ILUVBYOU!!!♥

Friday, September 4, 2009

Now here i am at my bro's shop..
Tell you the truth lah..
Today my mood damn bad de..
Cry alot of times,of course is no one at home & in my own room..
Sounds EMO hor..Me think so too..
Just now answer a call from my mum(actually alot of times..)she ask me to take cab go bro's shop to help look after..
I was lyk OMG..I just came back from school sia..
& tat is still not the problem..
The problem is we are half way quarreling sia..
Every call she called i have to control my tears & voice..
I don't wish her to heard me crying..
Because everytime I cried she will scold me even more..
Everytime i cried because of my family I will always have the same thinking..
I will think tat maybe i'm not her own child but i know tat is impossible..
But ppl in tat kind of situation will comfirm have tat kind of thinking.
But not for long.. :)
Everytime when we quarrel she will act lyk nth happen & laugh and forget about it..
But i was lyk always think tat wad actually happen..
And I can't even laugh with her..because i will be thinking about de thing we quarrel about..
I also does not mean tat i wann her to quarrel with me just tat i wann her to resolved it in a good way..
I really dunno wad & how my mummmy's brain work..
I also dunno wad kind of logic thinking she had..
In the past i did not go out with my friends very often
I always help her on the weekend to look after her shop..
As for the weekdays i stay at home playing computer as no one at home & I had nth to do..
But when i stay at home she scolded me for staying at home and playing computer too much..
NVM...This is reasonable rite.. Don't you think so??? I think so..
But when I started going out more often den the past she say i go out too often
& said I going out with "bad" friends.. -.-" This also nvm rite..Alot of parents will think lyk tat de..
But de most ridiculous was tat when i went out with my cousins(Guean & Gladys)
You know wad she say..
She scold me for going out with them too often..
wtf..so wad you wann me to do..
Why don't I stay in a prison better,better then getting scolding from her for watever i do..
Everything I do she will always scold me..
When she say I stay at home too often I go out with friends
When she say I go out with friends too often nvm I go out with my cousins
When I go out with my cousins she say I go out with them too often..
So...why don't you tell me what should I do if I don't stay @ home nor go out with friends/cousins..
You called me everyday...no matter in the afternoon or night..
Just to ask me where I am & have i eaten..
When you called if i'm @ JP i will tell you de truth i did not tell you I'm @ home while I'm not..
And what you will say is "wah!!! You now will go out and go anywhere aready hor"
I was lyk LOL, just at JP leh..I can go there easily whenever i want..
And yet you told me that I go too far..
I really don't know what to tell you..
Why don't you tell me to you where is near..
So what you mean is i can only go central izzit..
Can't be rite..
Even when i say i go library she will also ask who I go with and what time will I reach home & also ask me did I really go library..I wann to study you also don't want to believe.
Then how do you want me to explain when I really go library..
Why don't you teach me??I really dunno how..
If it is it I will rather don't tell you anything when i'm going out..
I always wanted to ask you Why can't you believe me??
Am i so not worthy for you to believe me for a little..
Even a little trust you also does not wish to give me..
Because you does not give me your trust towards me I did not get de courage to believe in myself..
I'm a person who can't decided anything for my own..
I always ask my friends/cousins for suggestion..
I ask them for suggestion for even small things lyk what to eat what to buy or even what colour of pe to wear..
I don't know is this come together with me when i'm born..
But the only thing I know is I hate to do this..
Because when my friends/cousins did not tell me what to do I will panic & don't know what to do..
You always said tat I had a better life compare to my sis & bro..
I know tats a truth I know I'm so lucky to be treated like a rich persons child..
From the day I'm born till now (around 15 years)I had never get beaten by my mummy or daddy..
Of course my dad did not beat me before because even he want or I want he also does not have the chance..
My parents divorced when I'm at the age 3-4..
And because of tat I had illness when i'm young tat illness cause me losses alot of precious memory..
I did not had any fun when i'm young..
I can only remember de house will always be empty and only my maid & I will be at home..
I had never felt before the feelings of family..
I don't know the real meanings behind de word FAMILY..
Everytime I reach home no one will be at home..
I know they are working very hard to earn money..
But did they think about what I feel when I reach home and stay in my room nv walk out of the door..
I will also felt lonely & sad..
I'm human..I have feelings..
Most of my friends parents eat dinner with them..
But why can't I ...
I had to settle my own 3 meals myself & eat it alone..
Sometimes I rather don't eat..
But i'm really happy evertime my sis called me and ask me what i wann to eat for dinner..
Because mostly she meant she will be having dinner with me..
Even if only one person eat dinner with me I will also felt happy..
Because I just wann someone to chat with me & watch TV with me while eating the dinner..
Just a small chat will make me happy..
But sometimes I have to say they care too much..
But care too much will always be better den nv care rite??
Although I lyk de feelings of no one at home & I can do anything i wann..
But my mummy will always call even she nv come home..
So it is not a very good thing too...
My mummy stays @ home maybe 2 week 1-2 times..
I don't see her so often..
Even when I get scared and lonely when I'm at home alone no one knows..
I want to go my cousins house to stay over for one night yo slao scold..
Then what you want me to do..
It is really the truth tat I can find myself safe when i'm with my cousins..
Because their mummy will have fun with them..
I also had alot of fun when I'm with them..
I will always find myself warm & safe whenever I'm with them..
I'm always afraid I will forget how she look like, or she will forget how I look like..
Funny rite..
But now when I'm with my mummy I feel like with a stranger..
I don't know what to say and how to say it..
Haiz..woah!!!!
slowlyslowly type out the things i want to say I then realises it came out so long..
Sorry for been so emo for this post..But it can't be help..
Maybe I will encourage ppl don't read this post..haha

love you...5:11:00 PM

사랑해요 ♥

--Saranghaeyo--